Fire

So after enjoying delish flavored Hookah with some of my neighbors we innocently cleaned up and they left and I went to bed.

I smelled smoke but thought nothing of it as my window was open and I live on the East Coast now so having fires during the appropriate season is not surprising-- (lol @ Cali ppl wondering WTF?)

Well-- I get a knock on my door, its my roommates freaking out that there is FIRE IN THE KITCHEN!!!!

Turns out that there were lingering embers and when dumped out into the trash, and then decided to smoke profusely turning our apartment into a sound stage for a horror flick.

Now, I do have expreience with fire, and Im pretty confiendent in my traumatic situation calm and levelheadedness regarding emergency and possibly stressful situations-- (thank you HOURS of watching TV and knowing pretty much what to do in any situation-- BIG shout out to Bear Grylls for no other reason than you are hot and I like seeing you strip down and not get hypothermia by doing nude jumping jacks).

So my instict kicked in, and to avoid a HUGE situation b y bringing out the fire extinguisher, I just told the roommate to pour water over the situation, KNOWING that it was not a grease or electric fire and that water should sort the situation out appropriately. Well-- and this is hindsight-- there was a pizza box in that "situation" and THAT had grease on it, so when we went to pour water on it-- flames errupted.

K-- time for the extinguisher--which I have never used (thank God) until that moment, pull pin--aim-fire (no pun intended).

So yeah-- no damage other than the stress... spent a majority of that night cleaning up the mess that was made from battling horrendous flames and coming out the victor!!!!! I feel like I should have a calendar now that Im a FIYA FIGHTA!

Yep-- that was my Monday night/Tuesday morning....

Open invitation to any calendar fire fighters to come teach me some tips! lol (MUST be in a calendar! lol)

Today

I can only live my life day to day--- minute to minute-- and breathe....

So I have had some disappointment recently in the realm of profession. I understand why the move didnt happen and its not a fault-- well I guess I can blame Bush for the shitty economy, but other than that-- this is life...

So i keep my head up-- I stay put in my position becuase of the flexibility and the benefits and not to mention I LOVE WORKING HERE!

I am tired today, but rejuvinated in a way. I have gained back the focus that I need to propell me into good places. I am trying to stay positive, which is a daily battle and remember why I do what I do--- and also to know that all things that are meant to be will be.. that this path I walk, yes is mine, but I do not walk it alone... and that is a comfort.

So I wake every morning, with hope... I have also been writing again, which is NICE and refreshing and helps put that immediate feeling or thought down-- to be perserved and expanded or contracted. I love that about writing :)

So here is a piece that I have recently done:

Thoughts

I have a great many things to think about
A great many things to ponder
Daily life pales at my ideal
Future life
Yet
I struggle to consistently remember this broader view of the daily—and how the daily will blend with the future at one point
I spin within a Tuesday
Desperately grasping my wants
Frustrated at my diminutive reach
Continuous contradictions afflict me
The self is ever changing
Ever failing
Ever achieving
Ever pining

Contentment without struggle is weakness
I walk though the curtain of fog—into clear ponds of understanding
Into peace—from my ponderings
If only to start again tomorrow.

Go team GO!

I have not posted a blog in quite some time....

I have been terribly busy and at the same time, conflicted on what I really wanted to convey. The summer is over and I start back in classes tomorrow night-- IM SYKED! I hope I didnt forget how to be GREAT! LOL

I have had a very busy summer-- I did an internship, worked full time, got a lot of things done, moved, lost my cat, found my cat, my mother came to visit and help me prepare for my move, and have generally refocused myself.

I want to have a more narrow view so that I dont get overwhelmed by too many things going on right now. I want to be able to take care of myself and be a great positive influence on those around me. I am ready for the new challenges that will come, and prepared to embrace the woman that I am becoming and having faith and confidence in my abilities which are great in breadth and depth! (giggle)

All that being said-- GO ME!

Lost?.....

So I am feeling rather lost recently. Almost as if I have lost focus of what I want and where I am going. This is unnevering to say the least. I came to Boston with so many ideas and goals on changing myself and making myself into the person I envisioned myself being. NOt just here for school, but to really get to KNOW myself. I am always envious of those women who are always so level headed and know themselves (Molly comes to mind immediately), or who are able to exude such a confidence. I think that one of my greater fears is not really knowing who I am and where I am going and being content and happy in my own skin.

I am working on NOT comparing myself so much to others---ugh.....

Reading, Eat, Pray, Love, might be putting this into focus for me more forcefully than what it is, but I still cant help but feel as though I have no idea who I am. I am working on being more comfortable in my own skin, but its like 2 different people are experiencing my life-- which I know makes me sound like I am loosing my mind.

I try everyday to find the silver lining, the good, the light, the positive. And can say with honesty that it has been an easier thing for me to do than in recent years. I am trying the whole, positivity begets positivity and vice versa for anything negative.

I would love to just drop everything and leave and travel and confront the fears I have of being alone, the fear of not being enough, and not being successful. One day. One day I will just leave....and come back changed and brighter and confident. I fear that I lack the confidence needed to acheive the professional success that I so crave.

I am heading BACK TO THE GYM starting tomorrow--body you dont have a choice! I want to change myself physically, because I noticed today that I lack the energy that I once had, that my body needs to be stretched more as I have been having wicked shin splints recently everyday, and its simply not good.

I want to be the me of my dreams.

the quest of more

I personally think that there should be a continued quest for "more". Which, means, that "more" has to become and ideal and not just an intangilble idiom floating around out there in the world full of the material.

I think that business should be thinking "more"--but in what context? They should be thinking of course, how can we gain "more" market share, how can we gain "more" revenue... thats old news--- what I would like to see companys say to themselves is how can we do "more" so that we attract that market share we crave....how can we do "more" for our community so that people and other companies want to do business with us thus gaining more revenue....

I think that 2009 should be a year, (and I know it has been for me), and internaly focus year, reflection that translates into change and that change into changing actions. A betterment if you will. I think it started with the CHANGE we have all wanted and that began with our govenement-- a focus of change of working with what we have and making it better.

I think that 2009, should be revolutionary, and that people should start with self-evaluations and self-checking. My theory on self-checking is an important one. Oh, you think you should say something to that person who stepped on your shoes or bumped you-- THINK AGAIN.... they say that Americans are all rude-- ITS BECAUSE WE ARE.... politeness goes a long way... SELF check YOSELF-- Self-check when you THINK that you are entitled, Self-check when you think that you need to satisfy your narcissitic need and idea of pride---I am convinced that if more self-checking occured, this world we definitely be a better place. Its taking the time, to actually put yourself in someone else's shoes, if only for an instant.

And so with these issues, theories, business plans layouts out there--...if you dont take anything else away from this... just do me the favor and SMILE at someone--just once today... it goes a long way.

this is y i hate dating

Im going to make this as brief as possible.

Last nights date was alright as far as dates go....buuuuuutttttttt it was the guy that was simply NOT stacking up.

DO NOT APPLY IF:

• you dont eat cheese, fried foods, potatoes, pasta, or drink juice, and have ONLY white wine in your fridge for boozy bev.
• you make weird faces like IM THE FREAK!
• order anything diet (like diet coke and capt. morgan)--or get pissy bc they dont have Heineken Light on the menu
• think that being a mattress salesman at a chain store when you are 25 is your final stop on your aspirations for professional development--and you have a Bachelors degree
• have front highlights in your hair--matter fact have ANY highlights in your hair after 1994!
• dont speak up so i can hear you in a loud lounge--so that im always saying "what?what?what?" like some kind of freak parrot

that is all.......

Evolution

The evolution of one's self should be a planned event--designated by stages and goals to accomplish to BECOME.

What one becomes is entirely up to the individual, but must be decided upon the knowledge that we are all interconnected--that even the most minute action can have a very large effect on our world as a whole.

I have decided to evolve myself and focus on that--rather than external forces that I cannot control---hell I might not even be able to control this evolution, but its something that I would liek to try and guide, (as we should all know and accept that we are NOT in control-- SHE is...)

So along with my material "Wants"--- I want to focus on the inner me, the me that needs to be happy and satisfied more than lonely, isolated, and complaining driven. I want to be able to focus on the positve more often than not, and become the powerhouse woman that I have always dreamed of being.

I want to be self-confident in my actions, and aware of my impact. I want to be able to look myself in the eyes in the mirror and smile, with gratitude, with a humbleness, and with strength.

This is my evolution...