Lost?.....

So I am feeling rather lost recently. Almost as if I have lost focus of what I want and where I am going. This is unnevering to say the least. I came to Boston with so many ideas and goals on changing myself and making myself into the person I envisioned myself being. NOt just here for school, but to really get to KNOW myself. I am always envious of those women who are always so level headed and know themselves (Molly comes to mind immediately), or who are able to exude such a confidence. I think that one of my greater fears is not really knowing who I am and where I am going and being content and happy in my own skin.

I am working on NOT comparing myself so much to others---ugh.....

Reading, Eat, Pray, Love, might be putting this into focus for me more forcefully than what it is, but I still cant help but feel as though I have no idea who I am. I am working on being more comfortable in my own skin, but its like 2 different people are experiencing my life-- which I know makes me sound like I am loosing my mind.

I try everyday to find the silver lining, the good, the light, the positive. And can say with honesty that it has been an easier thing for me to do than in recent years. I am trying the whole, positivity begets positivity and vice versa for anything negative.

I would love to just drop everything and leave and travel and confront the fears I have of being alone, the fear of not being enough, and not being successful. One day. One day I will just leave....and come back changed and brighter and confident. I fear that I lack the confidence needed to acheive the professional success that I so crave.

I am heading BACK TO THE GYM starting tomorrow--body you dont have a choice! I want to change myself physically, because I noticed today that I lack the energy that I once had, that my body needs to be stretched more as I have been having wicked shin splints recently everyday, and its simply not good.

I want to be the me of my dreams.